I normally try and make these updates via phone, but at present that is not an option. I have been having major issues with cell phones lately (them malfunctioning randomly), which has needless to say contributed to the difficult situation I find myself in now.
The business had been going well, but I made a fatal mistake. I mixed too much friendship with business. I gave my talent/friends too much rope, and yes they hung me with it. They knew I would not get too ugly (as my business also lacked “teeth” to enforce anything), and I felt used and taken advantage of and outright stolen from on multiple occasions. After exhausting all options, I had little choice but to stand up for myself, which pissed a few people off. Someone that wasn’t even directly related to the situation lead a campaign to shame me in any way they could, which was partially successful.
Now I am left not knowing who is actually my friend, who I can actually turn to, and who is here just basking in my seeming popularity. These days I can’t but help wonder when someone introduces themselves to me, what will happen with this connection. My mind says “What do they want from me?” and “how much of a user are you?”. I know this is one of the extremes of truly being jaded, and I can’t help but wonder if it is a bad thing, or a good thing that I ask myself that early.
I think I am realizing that I can’t save everyone. That I shouldn’t save everyone. Rather that even if I could, it would be a bad idea. Some people simply are not worth my time and energy, and as precarious of a process as it is to weed the healthy, helpful, selfless from the harmful, leaching, and selfish it is a process I must do.
I have been attempting to set healthy boundaries in my personal/romantic life with The Tenets and The Pledge. Inviting those on a similar path as myself to make a commitment to themselves to hold fast to the commitment they set for themselves. I think this is partially successful at present, but it is still a new process. I have felt used by one person in particular that made The Pledge, but there is little I can do about it. To be continued.
It would appear I will have to move onto plan B earlier then anticipated. I may be hitch hiking across the U.S. very soon, or hunkering down somehow to re-coop. I am not sure at present, but I may keep writing here about my journey.
Notes to self:
> Don’t give people more trust or consideration then they are absolutely due.
> Friendships are a temporary construct. Don’t let it warp major financial decisions for you.
> Have a solid financial base before anything else, and even living within your means is not enough. Use the surplus to build from, and no matter how little it would appear the initial business investment is, think 3x that.
> Never give any one person or group of people too much financial power or control over you. Always have your own base below you that is not based in friendships and/or romantic relationships in any way.
With all this said I am not closer, yet further away from being less dependent on the current monopoly on progress that is the U.S. Dollar.
To be continued…?
—
I prepared myself mentally for this, but not emotionally.
I knew that standing up for myself and calling a spade a spade would rock the boat. I knew that some people would jump overboard, and I might be left with a ship all to myself. I knew it in my mind, but nothing could have prepared me for the great abyss, chilling fog, and somber feeling after the dust had settled.
My options are so few at present, with no idea where I can turn to for advice or consolement. I know not how a person that has dedicated their life to lessening the suffering of others in this world could feel so neglected and uncared for in this moment. Helping others only seems to encourage the parasites to expect more, being humble and admitting my mistakes only seems to build their rage, and taking a stand and having integrity must only be scaring and confusing the onlookers.
I reached out, but there was no hand to grip. This empty space used to be full of many hands, often reaching for something they might gain from me and my accomplishments and energy. Now there is little for them to gain and I am left with nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth, and these soaking wet clothes.
I don’t see the solution now, but I assure you I will triumph in the end. It will take me much longer then I anticipated, and yes I will force myself to harden and be less giving and be much more selective, but in time I will learn this lesson. I have not navigated it’s complexities yet, these boundaries are not exactly healthy yet, but they are there. They are poorly built right now, but I will take the time to learn how it is done properly. I will learn this lesson.
The viewer is left with a rather mind numbing, boring, and anticlimactic scene. A sole individual, sitting alone on a the boat, with two broken oars. The fog sets in and the individual on the boat eventually disappears in it’s thickness.
“The End”
USeD and FED-up no more! 